My hope is that my friends let me play romantic roulette with their love lives because they think my job affords me some top-secret dating intel.

In reality, they probably just let me do it because of how much it fascinates me.

Dear Irishman, the next time you set your green eyes on me, remember this: There’s more to me than my colour. There’s more to me than the body that you have unjustly exotified because you refuse to look at what I can offer you intellectually. ‘Men will talk to me and say they think I’m beautiful and sexy, but it’s almost always because of my race.

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hen I was in my teens, I figured I’d be married at least three times. My second marriage would be the passionate one through which I would become a better version of myself, and my third would be the one that stuck.

As you can see, I never really had a lot of respect for the institution. We met in the geekiest way possible: He saw a picture of me in a cosplay outfit, wanted to know more, found my blog, and then found my profile on a dating site and asked to meet at Dragon Con. I loved the idea of someone being willing to do a little legwork to find me, especially since exercising my curiosity and putting in some effort to satisfy it is how I engage with the world. Also, he asked me out — no hedging, no game playing.

I mean, not every white guy has a “David Duke cock” right? I had to constantly be on guard, preparing myself for their racist comments. I knew there would be a point where I’d have to talk about why I could say n***** and they couldn’t.

I knew there’d be a conversation about Black on Black crime. Kevin entered my life at a particularly vulnerable point. He’d been sick for over a decade with cancer and I spent that entire time blocking out everyone.

I’d met white men who wanted to demean and defile me, white men who wanted to dominate or be dominated by me, and white men who just wanted to check a Black woman off their sexual bucket list.

Not to mention the ones who thought that being with me somehow made them “edgy” or proved they weren’t racist.

In 2009, Okcupid conducted a study of the dating trends on their website.

The study revealed that non-black men found black women the least desirable amongst all of the racial groups while black men “showed little racial preference either way.” Research showed that all women tended to prefer men of their own race, yet still managed to “penalize” Asian and black men, making them the least desired racial group of men.

Swiping through friends' dating apps gives me a legal high.