Dating needy people
There’s a recurring thread I’ve seen lately online, whether it’s in the comments here or in a few of the other forae where I lurk: an increasing sense of desperation for a relationship.
It's nothing new to be wary of dating a commitment-phobe, but now there's a red flag at the opposite end of the personality spectrum: The Insta-Boyfriend, or as Michelle Martin at the Huffington Post calls it, a "Cinderfella."This is a man who feels like a victim inside and looks for love to "rescue" him from that feeling. And they want it all by the second or third date."For many women, a grown man expressing strong feelings or making very romantic gestures after just a few weeks might be too much too soon, but for many others (especially those who have dated a commitment-phobe), a man who knows what he wants and is ready for intimacy might seem like a breath of fresh air.
Martin defines a Cinderfella as "the middle-aged single man with an insatiable hunger for intense emotional and physical intimacy. You might think, , his interest in jumping into a relationship is coming from a place of lack—a desire to fill a void.
The bigger issue with neediness is this: "When is it love and when is it filling a void? How to do that: First, see if he's able to respect your "me time" away from him.
"Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships and if a person shows little respect for yours or theirs, long-lasting love will be a constant challenge," says Wasserman.
They want to be rescued from their loneliness wastelands!
And that doesn't bode well for navigating the challenges of long-term relationships once things get real: "Cinderfellas are too broken to maintain intimacy on a long-term basis, so they don't make very good partners, at least not in their current emotionally needy state."Too much neediness can destroy relationships. Nerdlove refers to neediness as "the anti-sex equation." When someone is overly clingy and demanding of your emotional energy, you lose the natural desire to pursue them—to crave them—that a little healthy distance creates (think: Shoshanna and Ray on ). "Even for those with love stories that began with love at first sight, there followed a process and commitment required by both partners," says Ginnie Love, Ph. Once you get past the initial courtship with a guy who came on very strong very quickly, it's time to see if he's simply filling a void in his life or committed to building a mutually respectful relationship based on real love with you.Neediness Pushes People Away: When the relationship is no longer in the “whirlwind romantic” stage, you may feel the need to cling too much in order to maintain what you had.The irony is that as you push your concerns forward, you partner may just decide it is too much to deal with.essentially looking for someone to magically bring meaning into their lives and make them whole.They seek validation from others – in this case, a potential romantic partner – as a way of filling the void within them.We are all emotionally needy to some degree in relationships — meaning simply that, during a difficult time, we need more emotional support than usual. Yet, being overly emotionally needy — too demanding, clingy, annoying, fragile — can spell trouble for your relationship.