- Julia Roberts Dates used to be made days or even weeks in advance. That is, you get a phone call from someone who says, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you last night, okay? It's being able to eat anything without getting fat. On the other hand, things being what they are today, most of us will settle for a guy who holds down a steady job and isn't carrying an infectious disease. O'Rourke There is nothing so awkward as courting a woman whilst she is making sausages.

Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day. O'Rourke Dear men; Actually, our dream isn't finding the perfect guy. All we want is your basic millionaire/brain surgeon/criminal lawyer/ great dancer who pilots his own Lear Jet and owns oceanfront property.

90% of profiles feature the same cliche phrases like: "I'm a hard-working guy who is looking for a nice girl." "I enjoy hanging out with my friends." "I'm an easy-going, fun person." DON’T DO THIS!

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— Sincerely, Women The trouble with living in sin is the shortage of closet space. - Linda Sunshine Stay away from girls who cry a lot or who look like they get pregnant easily or have careers.

- Missy Dizick There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. O'Rourke They wrote that I'd gained 30 pounds over the summer and lost it in a week because I was dating three guys at once! I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. - Scott Roeben Computerized dating can save a lot of guesswork - but so can a bikini.

It was always about dating and sex, and all the popular kids, and the good-looking kids.

And the nerds were super-nerdy cartoons, with tape on their glasses.

2) Make a Funny Headline Oftentimes, dating sites like Po F, Ok Cupid or Match will have space for a short headline.

This is an important space, because it shows up in searches beside your photo and can be used to catch someone's attention.

Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. - Yasmine Bleeth If people waited to know each other before they were married, the world wouldn't be so grossly over-populated. Somerset Maugham Famous Writer needs woman to organize his life and spend his money.

Loves to turn off Sunday football and go to the Botanical Gardens with that special someone. - Sure-fire singles ad by Joe Bob Briggs Yeah, I'm kind of lazy.

Such a feeling of access affects our pursuit of love …